“He’s looking at me!”
Do you remember hearing that complaint from the back seat of the car, if you have kids? Do you remember making it yourself, if you have siblings?
Child development researchers say it’s a common complaint among children, usually starting around age 4. That’s when children begin to understand that other people have different thoughts and perspectives than they do, that other people do not know the same things they know — thus the beginning of lying and other forms of deception — and that other people can not only see them, but might see them differently than they see themselves.
While people also talk about the importance of “being seen,” of being perceived and understood by loved ones and peers, sometimes being seen can be, well, a little uncomfortable.
Think of the fan who gets tongue-tied when they meet their idol and can’t say anything besides, maybe, “hello.” They’re used to watching their favorite actor or athlete; they’re not used to having that person actually see them.
Think of the feeling you get when you’re in public and someone is watching you, or someone stares at you. There’s a reason we keep teaching kids that it’s rude to stare; it makes people uncomfortable.
Sometimes we don’t want to be seen because our behavior is something that’s normal and necessary, but should be private, like changing clothes or using the bathroom.
Sometimes we don’t want to be seen because we don’t want anyone to know what we’re doing. In the best case, we don’t want to get caught doing something good, because we would be embarrassed, or maybe because it could embarrass someone we’re helping.
Maybe more often, though, we’re doing something we’re ashamed of, even if it’s small. Maybe we skip a stop sign when no one is there, maybe we walk away with our hands in our pockets when the cashier gives us too much change. Maybe we walk away when a stranger asks for help, or laugh when someone falls down.
I think, maybe, that’s why it can be so hard to pray.
All my life, I’ve been taught that prayer is a conversation with God, and that God sees me and knows me. And that God loves me, of course, but how many people don’t really want to be seen and known? Find spending time with an all-knowing Creator a little uncomfortable? We’re talking about a God who not only knows what we want to share, but also what we don’t want to share and why we don’t want to share it.
In prayer, we’re no better liars than the 4-year-old with cookie crumbs all over her face trying to get Mom and Dad to believe she didn’t eat the cookies.
The thing is, Mom and Dad still love that child. And God still loves us — all of us, even the parts we want to hide.