Go to a march for peace, a vigil against gun violence, a prayer service for those who have been harmed, and you’ll find them there: the mothers.
Mothers who have lost sons, mothers who have sat by the bedsides of wounded daughters, mothers who don’t want anyone else to stand in their place.
They comfort the bereaved, knowing firsthand the devastation the killing of a child causes. They carry signs and lead prayers, hoping to encourage other parents to stay involved in their children’s lives and other young people to avoid violence. They write and call and visit public officials.
“The survivors need to be at the table,” said Pamela Bosley, whose son Terrell was shot and killed on the grounds of a church in April 2006, waiting to help move drums for the choir. “We live in the community and we know what needs to happen. All these organizations that have panel discussions, they need to include us.”
She started the Terrell Bosley Anti-Violence Association the year her son was killed. The following year, Bosley co-founded Purpose Over Pain with Tommie Bosley, Terrell’s father, and Annette Nance Holt, whose son was shot and killed in 2007. The non-profit has support groups and activities for mothers, fathers and siblings of young people killed by violence, as well as offering youth development activities. Purpose Over Pain often works in cooperation with St. Sabina Parish in the Auburn-Gresham neighborhood.
“I noticed there were other parents like myself,” Bosley said. “We all came to the table to talk about the pain that we were going through. We felt that God had a purpose for our lives. We wanted to mentor young people. Now we have over 500 people on our list.”
Precious Blood Sister Donna Liette, who until June 30 directed the Women’s Circle of the Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation in the Back of the Yards neighborhood, said the women she works with want to do something to help others avoid the pain they feel, and to offer comfort and support to those who have experienced it.
“They’re really in the center of this community,” Sister Donna said. “Most of them want to support one another. Someone needs to do something. Their children are being killed. They’re saying, ‘Who’s going to do something if not us?’”
For the mothers who come to the ministry’s Women’s Circle, violence is the most important issue in their community, Sister Donna said.
In the Women’s Circle, they can talk about their children — those who were lost, and those who are grieving the loss of a sibling. They can talk about their families and whether and how they are healing.
“They come here sometimes and just sob,” Sister Donna said. “It’s a safe place for it.”
Most of the women who come have lost a child to gun violence, Sister Donna said, and the women themselves invite others to the group.
“It’s the power of women’s knowledge,” she said. “They carry these children for nine months inside their wombs. This child is a piece of them.”
Dolores Castañeda, one of the founders of Padres Angeles at St. Agnes of Bohemia Parish in Little Village, has a child who survived gun violence. In 2004, her daughter, then a student at Whitney Young High School, was shot coming home from school, apparently not the intended target.
Castañeda had been active in anti-violence activities before that — her neighbor’s 17-year-old son was shot and killed — but witnessing the trauma her daughter went through galvanized her even more.
Padres Angeles has groups for parents whose families have been affected by violence and participates in marches and prayer vigils, especially around the Día de los Muertos. It also offers activities for children.
“In my community, there is total disinvestment in young adults and children,” Castañeda said. “There aren’t things they can do like painting or music.”
Parents often have to work two jobs to survive, she said, “and this is the situation when children are alone in the house, they start to come in the streets and get involved with gangs. When someone gets killed, people blame the mothers and fathers. … Violence is not one thing. Violence has roots.”
Mothers come together because the community counts on it, she said.
“In our culture, moms are the ones who are the heroes,” Castañeda said. “Moms are the ones who do everything. Cooking for everyone, picking up after everyone.”
And, she said, mothers understand what other mothers are going through.
“We have this issue about empathy, about love, about care,” she said. “It’s that kind of connection. Crying together and experiencing joy together — it’s that kind of situation. It’s based in love and faith and praying together.”
When Sister Donna arrived at the Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation 15 years ago, much of the program focused on visiting boys and young men in the Cook County Juvenile Detention Center, she said, or on programs for those coming out of the detention center.
When she visited boys in the juvenile center and asked what they needed, or what she could do for them, the most common request was that she look in on their mothers.
By the spring of 2024, there were about 70 women involved in the circle, Sister Donna said.
“The fact that they come together and support one another in their grief is one thing,” she said. But they also advocate for their community.
“They address the police officers, the mayor, elected officials and say, ‘This is wrong. Help us,’” Sister Donna said. “Coming together strengthens them. Individually they feel pretty powerless. … The mothers I work with, I can’t say they are really activists. They’re poor, they’re very often not respected, they need to address their own pain and trauma first.”
Members of the Women’s Circle join advocacy efforts when they have the opportunity. For example, they joined a New Year’s Eve march organized by Father Michael Pfleger, senior pastor of St. Sabina Parish, in which crosses bearing the names of nearly 800 homicide victims were carried up Michigan Avenue; some have been to Washington, D.C., to meet with representatives and congressional staff members.
Many want to forgive the people who took their children from them, but it takes a long time and a lot of healing for them to get there, often a decade or more.
Twanda Spearment, a member of the Women’s Circle, isn’t quite there yet with the man who shot her 19-year-old son Korry Rogers over Labor Day weekend in 2016. Malik Williams was arrested in Ohio in 2017 and charged with the shooting.
“That really devastated me,” Spearment said. “I lost a child. He was cheated out of his life. He was getting ready to go back to school.”
“I would like for every child to receive justice,” she said.
It’s hard, she said, because Rogers was the oldest of her seven children, six boys and one girl, and Williams was his best friend, often in her home, eating the meals she cooked and sleeping on the couch.
“I asked God to rebuild me,” she said. “I’m building myself up, building up my courage to forgive him. I want to ask why first. I want to know why. One day I am going to forgive him.”
In Pamela Bosley’s case, police arrested someone for her son’s shooting, but people Bosley spoke to said it was the wrong person. He was later acquitted, and, she said, police were slow to follow up on information she learned and passed along. No one else has been charged for the crime.
Meanwhile, Purpose Over Pain continues to mentor young people and work with survivor families, starting in the aftermath of their loss with practical things like filling out forms for victim compensation.
The organization also continues to reach out to the wider community, in the hope of preventing more pain.
“For the community, none of us want to be in this situation, but you need to know it can happen to you,” she said. “Know where your children are. If you notice your child, something is going wrong with them, get them help.
“The churches, I want them to come outside. It’s good to have your services behind the doors. The services are for you to huddle together. But you don’t just stay inside. Find out what your community needs and who can offer those resources.
“People need to get involved. Volunteer. Non-profit organizations need people who can do social media, work with data. Do what you can do. Even at home, sit on your porch. Let people see you. When young people walk past, speak to them. It’s not just a survivor problem, it’s everyone’s problem.”